I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
