Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
