He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
