Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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