All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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