wrigley field is MILF paradise
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
