I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
