Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
