I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
