3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
