so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
