He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
