what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
