i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
