Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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