dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
