I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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