we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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