her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
