oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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