I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
