I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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