is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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