this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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