You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
