What did we do last night that was yellow?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
