Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
