I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
