so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
