Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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