He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
