if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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