he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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