id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
