I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i've created a new STD.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
