I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
