I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
