official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
