It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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