At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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