these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize