You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
