the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
