wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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