Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
there is glitter all over my balls
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
