I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
