Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
