ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
