so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
