I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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