he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
