I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
