if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
