she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
