Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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