No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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