im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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