I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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