The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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