I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
