So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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