I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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