She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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