I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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