hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
