i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
