he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
