i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
