my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
