Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
