i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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