I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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