my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
