One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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