1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
