I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize