i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
