well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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