I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
