I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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