take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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