Will you blow on my dice?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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