a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I sprained my soul last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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