did you get engaged???
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
