I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
