New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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