She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
