no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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