I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
