its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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