I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
