oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize