I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
