Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
