I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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