some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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