So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
