So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
